I don’t know what to say. I'm worried about them, I don’t know what happened. This is a mess and I don’t know if I can sort this out. I wasn't around yesterday; if I had been then this wouldn’t have happened. So T and G were at the inn talking, and as always G started a game, I'm not sure what happened, but from what I heard, after the game they got caught up in the moment and ended up kissing. I was trying to talk to them today but T ran off and G followed him, leaving me confused. If this wasn't bad enough, E walked in on them kissing and she is now heartbroken. I tried to calm her down but she was too upset to listen and she ran off. I know T loves her but he loves G too, but he needs to work out which one he wants and he needs to do it soon, because one of them is going to get hurt and it would be better doing it sooner rather than later.

I'm really enjoying training in the Verth. I spend most of my time there these days, if I'm not there then I’ll be at the inn. So there I was the other day, just going about my normal training and then there it was. I came face to face with my first Brown Guardian. I could see him grinning and mocking me, there was a look in his eye that seemed to say ‘you're too little to take me on’. But I couldn’t just leave him there I had to try and fight him. I put up the best fight I could, and after a lot of poofing and running back to him I finally defeated him. Got a dull crystal for my effort, but at least I can say I fought my first Brown Guardian now.

I had a long chat with my sister J, I told her how I've been feeling lately. We talked for a while, and as much as she talked sense, I still feel the same.

Is it possible to die from laughing? I am loving T more and more each day, he makes me laugh so hard. My sides are hurting and I'm crying with laughter, you wouldn’t believe the conversations we have. I love that we both have the same sense of humour.

But as good as things are during the day when he is awake, it's a different story when he goes to sleep. I find myself training harder at night just to try and distract myself. Why am I so up and down? The days are great, the nights are hard.

I feel betrayed, and I don’t know why. I knew he would never be loyal, it's just the way he is. I don’t know what I'm more upset about, the fact that he left without talking to me first, or the fact that he was bribed into it. I would never use bribery to get guild members; I want people to be here because they want to be, not because I bribed them. I have forgiven him for everything he has ever done, and believe me, he has done a lot, and some of them were unforgivable, but I forgave him. And I am starting to wonder why I forgave him last time. Am I just stupid, I guess I must be, I let people walk all over me and I'm stupid enough to just lay down and take it. So once again my trust has taken a kicking, and I feel . . . . . . I don’t know how I feel. I should have known better than to trust him again, but this time I know I won’t.

T will wake soon and I know he will cheer me up, I can’t believe how much we laugh together. He's fun to have around. I finally finished his surprise, he loved it. I made him speechless, well there's a first time for everything I suppose. While I was working on the surprise for him I thought I would work on one for E as well, I wanted to show her how much she means to me and how much I appreciate the things she does. It made her cry when she saw it. I smiled, not because I made her cry but because I know she must have really liked it. I worked hard and put my heart into it and I think she could see that.

Well I managed to find myself in the V forest again tonight, and while I was exploring there I came across a river, a dark river. And I wandered over a bridge and took a few steps, and then I found myself running back to the bridge screaming in fear. I don’t scream in fear very often, but that place was scary and I'm not in any hurry to go back there. I'm going to just stick with training in the forest for now.

I laughed so hard that my sides were hurting. T has a lot to answer for; he has really taken my mind off things today and cheered me up. He really must be a gift from the gods, because he is truly special. I knew from the moment I first him that he was special, my instincts have never let me down before, and as I got to know him better I knew he would be great in our guild. I am so lucky to have him, and every day I thank the gods for sending him to me. He has had me in fits of laughter all day, it was random silliness and it was great. Neither of us got any training done but it was worth it, it's good to relax and laugh every now and then. Apart from checking out a raid or two, all we did all day was sit by the Life Monument talking. We have the same weird sense of humour, and it's that which has kept us on a high all day; it has been one of the best days of my entire life. I don’t think he really knows how much he means to me, and I don’t know if words would ever be enough to explain it to him. I am going to work on a special surprise for him, I hope he likes it. I am so happy that he and E are getting bonded, they are so good together, it's like a match made in heaven. E also has the same weird sense of humour that we have, and when the three of us are all awake together, everyone else had better watch out.

I am so happy right now, I am not thinking about anything else for the rest of the day, all I can think about is the laughs we had today, and I'm smiling because I know we will do it all again tomorrow when he wakes up.

On a more serious note, I finally got my magma ash boots today. I mean it's not like I haven’t been able to get them before, I've just been busy so didn’t have time to go down there. Well I don’t need to worry anymore because I now have them. I waited around for a few marcs this morning waiting for the magma lord to show up, but I got bored of waiting and went to meet T at the Life Monument instead. Then after he fell asleep I thought I would try again and have a look to see if he was there, and he was. Killing him wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, or maybe it was just that the last two quests I have been on have been really hard. Anyway, I got my boots and they are great.

Well I think maybe I should train now, I've been relaxing all day and if I don’t get back to training now, I might not want to do it again for a while and that wouldn’t be good. So I will end this entry here, still smiling and laughing to myself.

Well I did it, I finally gained enough experience to go and visit the trainer. He was happy to see me, as always, and told me not to leave it so long next time. I said I would try. So he sent me back out into the world a little bit stronger than I was, and I thought I would go and try my luck in the V forest. I know how to get there now, after spending a lot of time getting lost, I now know the way. But I am still too little to train there. As I sat in Kilican, I felt a strange kind of loss. I can’t farm the wastelands anymore, and I don’t know where to train now. I think I might just head back down the mine to the spiders. They are and un-necessary evil and we need to rid the world of them. Oh yes, the world would be a much safer place without them, I shudder every time I think of them. OK so maybe it's just me, everyone knows that spiders are my biggest fear, OK second biggest fear, there is something I'm scared of more than spiders but I'm not going to go into that now.

We signed a new member in, I love him already, he is just like T, they have been friends for a long time. He's another rogue, I have a guild full of rogues, it's great, it lets me bring out my rogue side a lot more. Everyone knows I'm half rogue, which could explain why I have so much fun when I'm around them. Or maybe it's more to do with them than their profession, but either way, we still have a blast. I love how much fun we have, it may be quiet a lot of the time but I can cope with that because I know the fun is about to start any marc.

I had a dream last night, it wasn't a very interesting one and I can’t even really remember what it was about, but it was about S and when I woke up I realised how long it's been since I last saw him. So much has changed since he last woke and I do miss him sometimes, if I'm given too much time to think, which is probably why I try to keep busy most of the time. I know he will probably wake again soon, and we will talk and laugh, but it's not really the same anymore. I understand why he sleeps a lot but I feel like we are drifting apart. But I know that when he wakes up, all of this will be forgotten and we will be back to how we used to be. And then he will sleep again, but it will be OK for a while.

I'm really worried about my sister A, I am so scared of the way she is right now. I have spent a long time talking to her and I just don’t know what to say anymore. I can see how depressed she is, and I have been trying everything to try and cheer her up. But I'm lost; I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring him back; I can’t undo the hurt he caused her when he went away. Why do men do it? I know she will get over it, but I feel so helpless right now not being able to do anything. I know all she needs is time and I've told her this, but I don’t think she's listening. I just don’t want her to end up like me; I don’t want her to give up on love, like I did.

It's been a while since I last picked this up and wrote anything in it. It's because I haven’t known what to say. It feels like I have been waiting for a long time, and all there is left to do is wait a bit longer. I know it will happen when it happens, and all I can do is be patient. But I have been patient, and now I just feel . . . . . . . . nothing. It feels like I have been waiting for something that isn’t going to be. I just wish it would happen soon so I can get on with things and know where I'm going. I guess only time will tell, I've waited this long, I can wait a bit longer.

I've been spending more time farming than training these days, and I don’t even know why. Yeah I know I need to farm, but I need to train more. I can’t even remember the last time I went to visit the trainer, hopefully within the next day or two I will be able to go and see him again and move on to the next stage. The trouble is, as soon as I start training I get distracted, a noob needs help, someone needs sparkles, do you want to come to the inn for an ale? And so training gets forgotten for a while, while I go and help the noob or chant someone so they can go train or meet up with friends for an ale and a chat. But I am training slowly and it shouldn’t be long before I go and see the trainer.

We have been having a lot fun in guild just lately. We may be small, but we know how to have fun, there have been times where I couldn’t move because I was laughing so much. It feels so good to laugh, I don’t mean just a little chuckle, I mean there have been days where I have been crying from laughing so much. It's been good because it's taking my mind off what I've been thinking about. It’s a good distraction. Talking of distractions, I need to go and train and hopefully get a lot done before the next distraction comes along. Wait, I can hear someone calling me and holding out an ale. Well one wouldn’t hurt before I go and train, would it?

Things are getting better. I talked to her; we had a long chat talking about general stuff. It was good. I know it will take a while for her to trust me again, but we made a start.

Just when things start going OK for me, they start to go wrong for someone else. G is really upset. She hasn’t seen F for ages, she thinks it's over. She said she's fed up having a relationship with a bird. I can see her point. I wish they could work it out but I think it's too late. She already thinks it's over. I just want to get hold of him, shake him and ask him what he thinks he's doing. Somewhere deep down I knew he would end up hurting her, but I hoped I was wrong, they seemed so happy together. He made her happy; I can’t stand to see her cry like she has been lately. I don’t know what to do to cheer her up and I know if I try to get them talking I could make things worse, but I hate seeing her so upset. Why do things never run smoothly?